So I became a step dad to Mrs OMG’S two boys in August 2007. Then a Dad to a son of my own in Nov 2008.
Since then we’ve added Little Miss OMG and Baba 3.0 is due in 8 weeks. Now I’m no parenting expert, truth be told you’re better of doing the opposite of what I do in most situations.
I do have plenty of experience however so I’m going to impart my top tips for new Dad’s here.
If you anticipate being asked to do something go to the toilet. This is your new safe place. If you do this right it won’t be long till you hear shouts of.
“Where’s your father?”
“Probably in the toilet, he’s always in the toilet”
Your are now the waste disposal unit for the household. You don’t even need to bother making a dinner for yourself.
- You won’t have time to eat it whilst it’s hot anyway. Between cutting meat for the kids. Wiping up spills and the 400 other things that you end up doing, whilst everyone else eats.
- The kids will leave so much food on their plates you’ve a dinners worth between them all.
You now own nothing. Everything you own will be commandeered by the little people you helped create.
Games console – gone are the days of first person shooters and FIFA with your mates. Instead it’s Banjo Kazooie and You Tube.
You won’t be able to get your phone out to check Twitter or Instagram as there will be shouts of Let me See. Unless you’ve perfected Number One in which case loo time is also phone time.
You will never win the who had less sleep argument.
Even if you are the one who was up all night with the teething baby your partner still got less sleep than you.
The same goes for nappy changes, housework etc.
It’s easier to concede defeat. Though if you’ve mastered Number One you’ll have anticipated the argument and will be safely in the loo.
Get a coffee loyalty card from every shop and garage that does one.
Coffee is your new best friend.
The temptation will be there to have a few drinks when the nippers go to sleep. Resist the urge. Kids have an inbuilt hangover detector and will be twice as bad if they sense you’ve had a few the night before.
Coffee, coffee and more coffee is the new normal.
Any chance you get to top up those caffeine levels take. Run out of milk, grab a coffee as well. Stop for petrol, grab a coffee. Have to stop for the little one to use the loo, grab a coffee.
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