The Summer of 2002 is one I’ll never forget. I worked as a holiday rep on the Greek island of Corfu.
There are many tales from that eventful Summer. Getting stranded in Kavos, having my phone stolen, nearly getting caught skinny dipping in a hotel pool, to name a few.
The most memorable of all has to be my run in with Goofy. An English Pointer belonging to one of the bar owners sons.
I was the rep for a resort called Ipsos. It was perfect for me. There was a mix of travellers. Groups of young girls and guys, families and couples of all ages.
This particular week there were quite a few younger holidaymakers so I arranged a pub crawl. Each bar we visited would give us a free shot and we’d end up at the nightclub.
It was a great night. There was Karaoke, pole dancing and the craic was had by all. When the nightclub closed at 5am. Some of the guests and myself walked back up the strip together.
At the very top of the strip is the Borghese Pension. A 24 hour bar with a B&B above it. Run by Renna and her son’s, it was one of my properties.
Renna came running out. Visibly distressed and shouting. “The boy in number five, he stole beer”
After a few minutes I managed to ascertain what had happened. The young lad staying in room five had been caught stealing a crate of Heineken.
Upon being disturbed he’d dropped the crate and legged it. Renna asked me to keep an eye on the bar whilst she went to get one of her son’s up.
I told the guests to head to their accomodation and I’d see them later. I then strolled behind the bar.
I noticed Goofy lying down asleep so I went over to him.
Now I learned later there are a few things Goofy doesn’t like. Being approached from behind, being woken up and someone saying Goofy, Goofy, Goofy into his ears.
Drunken me got the full house in one go. I approached him from behind and woke him by saying “Goofy, Goofy, Goofy into his ears. He wasn’t impressed and promptly bit my face.
The copious amounts of Ouzo I’d consumed that night had the effect of numbing any pain. More from instinct I put my hand to my eyebrow and when I removed it saw blood.
I walked out to the toilets and looked in the mirror. I saw a thick line of blood running down my nose from my eyebrow. I grabbed some toilet paper and pressed it on.
Back behind the bar, toilet paper held to the cut I made a coffee and sat down. Moments later Renna appeared. Unbeknownst to me, the toilet paper was soaked in blood.
“Goofy bit me” I replied.
She shouted something at Goofy. Who knowing he was in trouble disappeared not to be seen for three days!
She took the toilet paper away, gasped and told me not to move. She then disappeared again.
She reappeared much quicker this time with Mario in tow. Renna has four sons. Mario is the runt of the litter. Alex, George and Costas are your typical Greek Adonis type. Tall, dark and handsome. Mario god bless him was short and stout.
He wasn’t doing much to improve his appearance this morning. Sporting just his boxers and bed head.
Renna told me he would take me to the Doctor. He disappeared. I assumed to get dressed and freshen up.
I assumed right. Though this meant putting on shorts and flip flops. We hopped into his father’s little Fiat and sped of to the local Doctor.
Upon arrival he told me to take a seat and went over to the receptionist. They spoke in Greek for a few minutes. The receptionist laughed.
Mario had either cracked a joke or she was laughing at the stupid Englishman who’d been bitten by a dog.
I wasn’t waiting long and before I knew it my eye had been stitched and the Doctor was handing me a piece of paper.
“You get these and come back”
I obviously looked confused so he spoke to Mario in Greek. Mario then told me it was medicine and I had to return to get the stitches out.
Back to the bar we went.
Mario and Renna jabbered away and then Renna took the prescription out of my hand saying she would get them for me.
Renna returned with the medicine and handed me the bag. Inside was a box of tablets and a small bottle of liquid.
“The syringe!” She exclaimed, slapping her forehand. I looked puzzled and was more interested in asking how often I should take the tablets.
“Follow me” she said and headed off to the restaurant next door that her in law’s ran. I hovered outside the sitting room while she spoke to her Mother in law. She then turned to me and said “Go in. She has a syringe”
The old Greek woman took the bag of medicine from me and took out the bottle of liquid. She put it on the table and disappeared.
She wasn’t gone long. When she returned she was holding a syringe, a bottle of liquid and some cotton balls. She took the syringe and filled it with the liquid Renna had gotten from the Pharmacy.
She put this on the coffee table and told me to pull down my shorts. Now, many of you more sensible people would probably ask “Why?” Not me. An 80 year old Greek woman I’ve only just met tells me to drop my trousers. I do just that.
“Your pants too.” She says. Again no questions from me I pull my pants down. She meanwhile is putting the liquid from her bottle onto a cotton ball. She tells me to turn around and wipes my buttcheek with it.
She then starts to fumble on the coffee table and I realise she is looking for the syringe. Now her glasses are as think as milk bottles and she still can’t see the syringe!
“Do the glasses not work?” I ask.
“Far away” she says. Gesturing off into the distance.
Now my drunken brain has finally realised what’s going on here. She’s about to stick this needle into my arsecheek. I’m starting to wonder if she’s going to throw it like a dart from across the room.
Anyways, I bend over. Now I’m sure there are easy ways to give an injection. This wasn’t one of them. She jammed that needle in and I swear I actually lifted off the ground.
Thankfully it was over quickly so I pulled up my boxers and jeans. Thanked her and left.
Luckily I’d planned the pub crawl for the night before my day off. Renna told me I could go sleep in a vacant room upstairs save me having to make my way home.
When I woke later that afternoon. My ass was still numb and the words of the Doctor echoed in my head.
“Get this and come back” I was supposed to go and get the tetanus medicine and go straight back to him so he could give it to me!
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